I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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