I think I died a long time ago.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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