i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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