Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
