Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
