You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I am naked and annoyed.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
