i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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