Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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