I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I met the friendliest cop last night
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I don't deserve a penis
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
