Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
