....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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