my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
How does one acquire holy water?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
