I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Randomize
