I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
