My nipple is on Facebook.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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