Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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