My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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