Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
