I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
