i would punch a child for taco bell
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
