toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
