the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
