its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
