gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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