we're chasing vodka with high fives
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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