is your mom at the bar?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
