she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Randomize
