Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
