Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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