i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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