You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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