i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Randomize
