We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
