can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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