butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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