I think I am morally bankrupt
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
