Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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