I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
