What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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