people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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