Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
