if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
