I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
