I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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