if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
