You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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