Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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