I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
