i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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