TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
