Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
