It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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