So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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